"to every thing there is a season..."

In my relatively short lifetime I have wanted to be a marine biologist, a nurse, a midwife, a vet, a superhero, a teacher, a linguist, an illustrator, a photographer, an Air Force pilot, the list goes on. I was not one of these children who ‘always knew’ what they would be when they grew up. My ‘dream career’ could change from one week to the next, heck; it could change from one minute to the next!

But there has been one constant in my dreams of the future. Whenever I was asked at high school “what would you like to do when you leave school?” or “where do you see yourself in 10 years time?” I would say (in all seriousness) “I see myself married and surround by kids!” Apparently that’s not what my teachers / career officers / mentors wanted to hear so I told them my ‘back up’ plan (see career list above!)

For as long as I can remember, being a wife and a mother (in that order) has been my life’s ambition – I couldn’t think of a greater future than marrying a loving (and handsome!) man and building a home together, and then filling that home with children!

I have looked forward to caring for my own children, teaching them and learning from them.

Well, now I have it – I am living the dream! (haha…. I’m going to keep it real here and say that when I envisioned this great and glorious future of mine I left out the part where I would spend the majority of my mornings picking up yesterdays dinner from off the floor! And I certainly didn’t see myself spending a good portion of my day smelling like baby throw-up and other spurious aromas!) But I love it, I really do.

For the last year I have been juggling the roles of mother and wife with the role of photographer and though I have loved being able to develop my skills and be part of so many people’s lives, my home life – this precious treasure that I have waited for and worked for, has suffered. Last year I felt that I was just ‘getting by’ in my life. That I could (only just) keep on top of everything but I wasn’t excelling at any of it.

I wasn’t being the wife or mother that I wanted to be (if you don’t believe me – you can come round and see my spare room which is where all the excess stuff got thrown last year and that now I have to somehow dig through and find my life again!! J)

It was clear to me that something had to give…

These decisions have been weighing on my mind for a while now and even when one can clearly see the best course of action, implementing those actions can be so hard.

This is not about whether I can ‘make it work’ or even whether a mother should have a career or work outside the home. We each do what we feel is right for us and this is about what is right for me and my family…. Right now.

So it is with a heavy heart (because the right decisions are not always the easiest!) that I leave behind professional photography, and pursue my life’s ambition… building a family of my very own. I have loved capturing your stories and I have loved been part of those tender moments that make up your lives. Who knows where I will end up and when we may meet again?

One thing is for certain, I won’t be leaving the world of photography completely behind.

Dominic sold one of our cameras (and bought a wii with it?!!!!) but I have managed to keep hold of the good camera (and I hid my favourite lens too so he can’t go and trade it in!!) and will continue to work on my skills and to capture the stories of our day to day lives because there is still so much to see and experience!

I will of course keep blogging (mostly because I love it – it’s like therapy… but cheaper!!) but this blog will most likely develop into something quite different from what it started out as…. I am excited to see it evolve and always, you are more than welcome to join me on this journey…

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